Dear Frenchy and Conservatives Everywhere,
Thank you so much for your insightful letter regarding Marx's son-in-law. This is a man whose writings I have wasted half of my life disseminating throughout the world, in churches, schools and public forums. I feel so ashamed when think of all the time and money I've spent hiring lobbyists, buying dinner and prostitutes for members of congress, all in an effort to push my Marx's-son-in-law-ist agenda on the good, God-fearing people of America. I'm just thankful you stopped me before I could do any more damage to America's ability to compete in the global marketplace.
My mommy always tells me I am lazy and spend too much time drinking and screwing. She's right, but I also have a competing urge for world domination. To me, Marx's-son-in-law-ism's emphasis on fun and good times represented the perfect synthesis of these two competing aspects of my character. Through your posts, I see how wrong I was.
I thank you for giving me the tools to rethink my assumption, and again apologize to the American people for having compromised the integrity of their democracy.