A few words about single parenting
Chris GreenI would like to take a moment or two from your busy schedule to discuss a subject very dear to me--the single parent. To be honest, I am a member of a growing group of people who are single parents, men and women who are trying to assume the roles of both mother and father. Ladies and gentlemen, I can testify that this is no easy chore.
I am Chris Green. I am a student. I am an employee. I am a writer. I can sing, dance, play, harmonize, laugh, cry, love, I am an individual.
I can also testify that there is nothing more worthwhile than trying to raise children in a loving household.
Single parent households with children under the age of 18 numbered 8.6 million in 1990. This represents a 46% increase since 1980. More recent figures (1992) place the number of single parent households at 30% of all US households and the number of two parent households in the US was 25.5%. According to these figures, single parent households outnumber two parent households in the United States.
I am a single father.
There are also some demographic changes within this group. In 1980, the number of men raising their children alone came to approximately 14% of all single parent households. This increased to 19% in 1990 with the expectation that it will continue to increase. Current statistics are unavailable at this time. I refuse to choose sides on the issue of who makes a better parent, but I know that the mother cannot be the best choice 100% of the time. This increase in single fatherhood reflects a growing awareness on the part of our courts that men can be good parents also.
I am a daddy.
61% of all children in the United States will spend all or part of their formative years in a single parent household. The children living in a divorced home are about 37% of all children living in single parent homes, children of mothers who had never married represented 33%. The children living in their grandparent’s home (approximately 3.3 million) had only their mother living with them 50% of the time and only their father living with them 5% of the time.
I have been divorced for eight years. My children and I have spent all but five or six nights together since they were born.
These statistics are according to information published by the census bureau, so hopefully we can conclude that they are fairly accurate. This means that 61% of the next generation’s voting public will be brought up by one parent. These parents are holding the future of our country in their hands and what do they receive for it? Problems with getting financial support from the non-custodial parents. The view of the majority of our society that they are welfare moms raising kids for the checks. The attitude that most single parents are helpless wimps who cannot keep their own children out of gangs. I consider the “Deadbeat Dads” campaign a personal insult, those males aren’t dads, they are donors.
All three of my boys have made the honor roll in school at times in the past. My oldest son is in Jr. High school and still thinks gangs are dumb. My middle son is impatient with people who cannot accept the idea he does not want to see his mother. My youngest son is probably the most loving boy I have ever met. My boys hug me goodnight every night.
Ladies and gentlemen, all parents know that being a mom or a dad is, at best, a thankless job. Having to spend 18 years of your life ferrying children about, being devoted to your child. Believing in them. Loving them. Being a mom or a dad takes up the rest of your life. Parenthood defines who you are. Why, with this knowledge, do we make it even more difficult for these parents without partners? A little understanding, a lot of support, these are the things we need. I have no desire to listen to someone say that my kids are less privileged because their mother is not around. To be blunt, I feel they are a great deal better off without her in their lives. Many of the single parents in my same position would say the same thing.
I suppose that by now the audience is thinking “What do you want me to do?” I will share a few ideas with you. The Coalition for Single Parents Day is supporting March 21 as “Single Parents Day” I am asking for your support. We ask single parents to ensure that they raise good children, we should recognize the fact that this is a little tougher for the single parent. There are also some legislative issues we should support, those that try to ease the burden of the single parent. Finally, I would ask all of my readers and listeners to consider a policy change within our own government.
The Social Security program was originally designed as a method to care for people who could not care for themselves. We pay the underage survivors of deceased parents a stipend from the Social Security Administration’s funds. If a non-custodial parent exhibits no inclination to pay court ordered child support, isn’t that parent acting as if they are dead? Isn’t death the only release from responsibility to a child? If a non-custodial parent refuses to pay child support, we should take funds from their Social Security benefits and pay them to the custodial parent in the place of the child support. If the non-custodial parent wishes to reclaim their benefits, they can repay this money to the SSA. I am not saying we should with hold all of their retirement benefits, perhaps the SSA could pay a reduced amount until the debt is alleviated.
I am speaking from experience on this issue. My boys have not received the love and care that they are due from their mother. There has been no attention or financial support in over seven years. She hasn’t called, written, or even recognized their existence with a birthday card since the divorce was final. They have had to rely upon me, a disabled veteran, for all of their worldly and spiritual needs. The aid that I have mentioned in these few words is but a drop in the bucket of what I feel is owed to them. This one drop is much more than what they are receiving now. Isn’t it the role of our society to provide for those who cannot provide for themselves? Isn’t it time we started doing just that?
None.
