- McDonald's -

Re: complaints

Posted by: Bob ( Monkey Wards ) on August 19, 1999 at 00:50:59:

In Reply to: complaints posted by Skip B. on August 10, 1999 at 14:26:03:

: Does anyone know if McDonalds provides a comment/complaint department?

That would be me. What seems to be the problem? I'm sure we can get this resolved. Do you want someone killed? Injured? Is it that your big mac only had a cup and a half of secret sauce last time? Could it be that the old geezers who walk around the mall for hours when it is not even open have taken up residence in front of all the good window seats? Is it because Jennifer, the cute little blond behind the counter would rather have sex with Grimace than go out with you? Could it be that the fry machine accidentally blew up while you were in the mens room? I've handled all these complaints and more. Like the time the local Ronald McDonald scared a customer to death. Yes, she was old and yes, she was wearing a very silly hat, but her family complained. In case you were wondering, we bought them off with a year's supply of fries. I can probably help you. I have a gun and a lot of free time on my hands. As long as you don't live within 100 yards of Harvey Korman, a school, church or synagogue . . . we are in business. Do you mind that I occasionally dress as a lobster? I don't completely cover my hands, so I can still handle a gun or baseball bat (though I do not play baseball while in the suit, so don't ask!!!) While I am on this subject. What is your problem anyway? Why are you so stinking mad at Mc Donalds? What did they ever do to you? When you were hungry, they fed you. When you were cold, they fed you. When you were in a hurry they fed you. When you accidentally left your wallet in the car, they kicked you out of the store (who wouldn't?) McDonalds is a caring organization. But occasionally they do make mistakes. And that is why I am here. I am not afraid to kill (but only if necessary .. unless you say otherwise then I'm not afraid under any circumstances).

My services are free. Usually. Actually no, they're not, but we can discuss that later, after you sign the papers that say you don't mind if I am a pathological liar. I hope you will write me back because I live all alone with my gun, my dog and my wife and seven kids. Please help me. Please help me help you. Please help me help you help me. Please . . . well you get the picture.
I have issues with the local McDonalds that are not being resolved by the management(I use this term quite loosely)and I would like to be able to contact someone at a higher level who might be able to remedy the situation.

: --
: McSpotlight: If you actually feel like complaining at McD's website, you can try going to this form - but beware; they reserve the right to change, forget or alter what you've said...

McSpotlight adds:
This is [in] only due to our belief that frustration from the lack of recourse to McDonald's by way of a transparent and effective comment/ complaint system leads a well balanced individual to the outer limits ... such as the poster above.

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