...and maybe scanned it in and cut and pasted it here.
I would have loved to read that masterpiece in its entirety. I think I've heard just about everything now, unless you have more beauties.
I don't recall the article in which I read this applicant quote but here goes, I think this one was from the "Additional Comments" section: "Please don't consider the numerous places worked as 'job hopping'. I've never quit a job." What this guy didn't say was that he was fired from each and every one of 'em!
As for drugs, we had a consultant a few months ago in Network Architecture, which is part of Data Processing. I always thought there was something funny about the guy. But then someone caught him snorting coke in the men's room!!! His contract was immediately canceled!!! A short time later, when his former cubicle was being prepared for somebody else, they found a 20 oz soda bottle of [probably somebody else's] piss!! He didn't know that the bank plucks hair samples to do its drug screening! Think what you will about that policy, but the reality is just about every employer drug screens these days.
To close, if any of you McD, BK, or TB managers have a minute, how about sharing your "favorite" application responses with us, and scanning 'em in here if you can? That would be educational to the young teens who visit this site, as far as the "do's and don'ts" of applying go. Just a suggestion from yours truly. That would make a good class in middle or high school, how to conduct yourself in the working world.