- McJobs and Workers -

McPrison will eliminate it.

Posted by: Hugh Morris ( Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf for President, USA ) on December 24, 1999 at 10:28:28:

In Reply to: McPrison? First send them to Mickey mouse University posted by Dave Peal on December 23, 1999 at 10:49:53:

Peal: I am in total agreement with the next generation political genius mind of Morris EXCEPT send these convicts to Hamburglar University with the suits of Oakbrook and let these overpriced fools teach the classes (3 days) then put the convicts in the operational units and begin serving the poor product that is the clowns centerpiece for the past decade.

Morris: Dave! Long time, no see.

Actually, Mcdonald's would improve its corporate image with the McPrison system, and the resulting "body count" at each McPrison will improve its products. There will be a few problems along the way, though, but I've already thought them out.

First, McDonald's will have to do away with its current work force of law abiding citizens. In the name of fairness, they should be replaced by attrition, that is, replaced with McPrison emloyees one at a time as they quit. It won't take much more than a year that way. Any ex-employee convicted of a non-violent, misdemeanor offense, however, will be eligible for rehire in the McPrison program.

Then, even with the stipend from the state for housing its prisoners, all those extra employees will drive payroll costs too high. This can be overcome with a bit more of an outlay of cash on the part of McDonalds. The Ronald McDonald House system of lodging for the parents of hospitalized children could be expanded to house McPrison employees. The current Ronald McDonald houses are generally in high rent districts near city hospitals, but a Ronald McDonald Halfway House could be opened in an inexpensive suburb, within a few miles of several McPrison outlets, and accessible to the local mass transit system. Residents could be housed, no more thn two per cot, at McDonalds expense, and fed nourishing meals made from the hamburgers that are normally thrown out when the holding time expires. Rooms will be periodically searched for contraband Beanie Baby toys, and violaters will be expelled from the McPrison system. Substance abuse counseling will be conducted before or after employees' shifts at Ronald McDonald Halfway House. Specifically, they are taught that it's easier to clean the grill when you're high, and deal with drive-thru customers when you're drunk. By paying for employee's room and board, they can be treated as full-fledged prisoners, and therefore not subject to those pesky U. S. laws about minimum wage. McDonalds and its customers are the winners here.

As for Hamburger University, it will no longer be needed, as McDonalds franchisees and managers will become state McPrison system bureaucrats. The campus in Illinois could be transformed into a McMaximum Security Prison to house the few McPrison employees that suddenly turn into violent felons.

At first, implementation of the McPrison system will be a huge expense. However, after a couple of years, McDonald's customers will see an improvement in the food and service at McDonalds, and come back for more. The state's expenditures for running the prison system could well be halved. And, if anyone in the U. S. could run a privately operated prison at a profit, it's McDonalds.

According to this news article, here's another example of McDonalds public service programs in action.

Hugh Morris

Follow Ups:


The Debating Room Post a Followup