Robert S. Robbins
The same, early in the morning.
JOE enters from Left and looks at his watch. He peers anxiously offstage Left.
- JOE (muttering to himself)
- Where is everybody today? Nobody showed up across the street to wait to be let in. Christ, it's ten minutes past five now. They can't all be late or sick. I'd better start calling people or I won't get this store open.(JOE goes into the office and looks through his rolodex for a number. He dials the phone.)Hello Debbie? Where are you? You know you're scheduled to open today...What's the matter with you?...Couldn't you come in anyway, just for an hour or two?...Well nobody showed up this morning so I need you here...Are you really sick or is this that union thug's idea?... Hello?...Hello?...Damn it!(JOE dials another number.)Mike! Where the hell are you? I'm all alone here at the store...Why can't you come in today?...That is what Debbie told me. You can't both be sick...Well you can work with a stomach ache. It won't kill you...You'd better come in tomorrow with a doctor's excuse or you'll be written up. I won't stand for this shit...Hello?... Hello? Damn kid hung up on me!(JOE dials another number. Waits for several rings.)Come on Steve, pick up the phone...pick up the phone damn it...Hello Steve?...Damn answering machine...Steve this is Joe at Quickie Burger. I need you to come in as soon as possible. I've had two people call in sick so we're really short crew. If you can make it in to open the store I'd really appreciate it. Show us you really care about your job. Bye!(JOE looks at his watch and dials another number.)Hello Sonya?...Who is this?...May I speak to Sonya please?...This is Quickie Burger. We would like her to come in early today...Yes, well we're real sorry about what happened to Jim...No! We don't pressure teenagers... Look suicide is a big problem with teenagers...I've never pushed your daughter around Mrs. Alvarez...Why don't you let Sonya decide that? It is her job...May I speak with Sonya...Please don't scream at me Mrs. Alvarez...Can Sonya come in today or not?...Hello? Damn it, nobody is coming in to open the store. Now I'll have to call Keith.Hello Keith? Sorry to wake you up but none of the crewpeople scheduled to open the store are coming in today...Debbie and Mike say they are sick. I had to leave a message on Steve's answering machine and Sonya's mother hung up on me...Well I don't know. They could be staging a sick-out...Okay I guess we could open a hour late then. I'll wait for you to get here. Thanks...Bye.(JOE dials the phone again.)(JOE enters the kitchen and hurries to turn on the equipment. He grumbles to himself as he hustles to stock the kitchen freezers and prepare his work area.)How the hell am I supposed to do everything myself and get this place ready by seven o'clock? Who is going to take the orders on counter while I work back here at the grill? Keith won't be much help. If none of the crew is going to show up we'll have to go through the whole day with just managers. Keith should close the store. What the hell is the idea staying open when we don't have any help?(JOE goes up on counter to brew the coffee and places change in the cash register drawers. His movements are rushed and violent.)Damn it! I thought we had settled that union business last night. They're all enjoying a day off for a stupid union that won't ever get in here anyway and I'm stuck here alone, running myself ragged trying to get everything done...This is fucking impossible! Damn that Keith, damn him. What makes him think I can do all this alone? Well fuck this!Keith? This is Joe. I don't think we're going to be able to open today...I can't get this place ready by myself. Who is going to help me when we get customers...Nobody is coming in. We've got nobody to cook on grill or take the orders...Well if you're on counter and I'm on grill then we still have nobody in drive-thru...When will you be here?...Okay I'll try to get as much done as possible until you get here...Bye.(JOE drops what he is doing in frustration and marches into the office. He redials the phone.)(JOE dejectedly returns to the kitchen and resumes a frenzied rush to get all the equipment set up on the prep table.)I ought to walk out myself. I should have joined the union with the rest of them. Hell, being a manager here is no special privilege.(JOE looks up and notices something offstage Left, where the lobby windows would be.)Damn there's a customer already. What time is it? Only five fifteen. The one day we're going to be an hour late in opening and somebody has to show up early waiting to be let in. Well he's going to wait a good hour and a half today...Now he's waving at me. You're going to have to wait asshole...Say, that isn't that LeBotz character, is it? I'd better see what he wants. Maybe I can get him to allow my crew to work today.(JOE exits Left and returns with a cheerful LeBOTZ.)
- LeBOTZ (mildly sarcastic)
- Where's your crew today Joe? In case you're wondering where everybody is this morning, Steve called me last night and said you made everyone sick at your meeting. I brought another copy of the recognition form which might make us feel better if you'd care to give us a signature on it.
- JOE (annoyed)
- Very funny. Keith would have to sign that. He will be here shortly to help me since we don't have any crewpeople coming in today. Why don't you ask Mike or Debbie to come in to work? Just for today. You caught us by surprise and now our customers won't know what is going on. We need a few days to work things out before you pull anything like this. You didn't even give us a chance.
- What kind of chance do you want? That is your tough luck. You had a chance to resolve the matter with the union but instead you tried to talk your crew into siding with you. And from what I heard you badly bungled that. Now you'll pay the price.
- JOE (pleading)
- Look, I don't make the decisions around here. If it was up to me, we would have a union and work with you to make this a better place to work. You have to talk with Keith about that. But I'm trying to do my job here and now I have to knock myself out because I don't have any help.
- LeBOTZ (unmoved)
- Why don't you close for the day? You'll learn the hard way that you can't do it alone. You managers think you are such hotshots. I've heard management brag they could handle the shop themselves if they had to but when it comes down to it they aren't superheroes.
- JOE (bitter)
- I hope you weren't planning on having breakfast while you're here. I'd put some filter powder in your scrambled eggs. Here comes Keith. Now you're in trouble.KEITH enters from Left. He is disheveled and in a foul mood, although he isn't entirely awake yet.)
- KEITH (seeing LeBOTZ)
- What are you doing here? Where is my crew? If they don't come in today I can't guarantee they'll still have jobs. I offered them the shirt off my back last night and they turn around and do this to me! Without any warning whatsoever. I could have transferred some people from another store if I had known they planned to strike today. No, instead they pull a fast one to leave us holding the bag. Do you think you can get your way by catching us off guard? We'll have this place fully staffed by lunch. You can't shut us down.
- I have another recognition form with me. If you'd come to your senses and sign it you could have your crew back to work without further trouble. We could draw up a tentative contract later. All I'm asking you to do now is to sign this form which merely acknowledges the fact that your employees have elected to be represented by our union. By law they have a right to form a union so you can hardly refuse to recognize it.
- KEITH (aloof))
- Please leave. We have a lot of work to do, thanks to you. I don't recognize your union because we can resolve personnel issues through our internal grievance procedures. There is no need for a third party to be involved. I think you would just exasperate problems instead of solve them. You've only been here two days and already you've created a major problem.
- You create your own problems. Well suit yourself. I hope you have a good day doing your own hard work. While you're struggling to keep up with the workload just remember to think of your employees who have to deal with it every day.
- KEITH (with pride)
- Hey I've lent a hand whenever my crew needed it. I drop fries, take orders, and greet customers whenever I walk into one of my stores. I've done more work in Quickie Burger than you've ever done mister. I bet you've never gotten a finger greasy in your life doing real work.
- LeBOTZ (laughing as he exits)
- Greasy fingers, I like that...!
- JOE (nervous)
- The coffee is brewing but we need the meats and eggs put down. Is it all right if we let the shake machine go without cleaning today?
- I guess it'll have to. Lock the door. I'll get busy on the grill. You can work on stocking the counter area with cups, napkins, and utensils. Pick up that straw wrapper.(JOE gives KEITH a look as he stoops to pick up the wrapper. He exits Left to lock the door and then gets busy in the counter area.)
- When are we getting some people from the other stores?
- Oh about nine o'clock. Why didn't you mop the floor back here? There's some ketchup spilled over there and it's greasy by the fryers.
- JOE (controlled anger)
- Hey I was busy. I had all I could handle trying to get things set up for breakfast. I didn't have time to do any cleaning.
- Clean as you go. There's no excuse for leaving your area a mess. Now get a mop on this floor.
- JOE (losing it)
- Hey I don't have time. Things aren't ready. The floor can wait until we get some people in here.
- Well make time. We have a half hour before we open the doors.
- I thought we were opening at seven o'clock.
- I'm here now. We can get this place ready by six thirty.(JOE mutters fiercely beneath his breath as he snatches a mop to do the floor.)Joe, can you bring me up some bacon? Leave that and bring me some bacon. Come on, don't play with the mop. Get that bacon up here.(JOE exits Right with a great show of disgust. He returns with a box of bacon.)You see this trash can? There are a lot of scuff marks on this trash can. Make sure you have that taken care of. No need to do it now. Just bring it to the attention of the maintenance man.
- JOE (impatient)
- Can I go back to my work on counter now? I need to get the beverage system primed.
- You don't have the beverage system ready? What are you standing around for? Get that thing primed so we can draw a coke without making a mess.
- Are you going to fire the people who didn't show up today?
- We'll worry about that later. Right now we need to handle this emergency.(KEITH works very deliberately in the kitchen while JOE scrambles to get things in order up front.)
- Are we ready to open the store now?
- I just have to put some folded eggs down and make the hotcake mix.
- Are you sure I can open the doors now. You'll be ready?
- Yeah go ahead. You take the orders while I cook the product. I'll yell if I need help.(JOE exits Left to unlock the lobby doors. When he returns several customers enter the dining room.)
- JOE (into the speaker)
- Give me six egg muffins, bacon four, two egg biscuits, bacon one, and a hotcakes and sausage.
- It's going to be a minute for the hotcakes. I don't have the batter mixed yet.
- I need the egg muffins right away.
- Are you having problems with your neighbors? I saw the sign as I came in. What's their beef with Quickie Burger?
- JOE (puzzled)
- Excuse me? What sign?
- There's a sign on the front lawn of the house next door. It says "Quickie Burger. Not in my back yard."
- JOE (surprised)
- Oh. I guess I didn't see that when I came in this morning because it was so dark. I don't know what the problem is. We've never had any trouble with the neighbors before. I think an elderly couple lives there. Hey Keith, a customer says the couple next door put a protest sign on their front lawn.
- KEITH (worried)
- Is that right? It must be that union creep. He has gotten to the neighbors already.
- Where's my hotcakes and sausage? I have to be at work in a few minutes. Let's make this a quickie.
- JOE (forgetting himself)
- Keith, where's my hotcakes? Don't you have them down yet? I want to see some sweat back there!
- KEITH (stung)
- Hey! Your hotcakes are going down now. Let's just relax and do our best to make things go smoothly. I know we don't have enough crew to get the orders out fast so apologize to the customers and calm down.
- Sorry Keith. I didn't mean to hassle you or anything. It's just I got this customer in a hurry to get to work. Do you have my egg muffins yet?
- Did you call some egg muffins?
- JOE (annoyed)
- Yes I called six egg muffins, bacon four. I need one for drive-thru. Please acknowledge my order next time.
- KEITH (giving him a look)
- Six egg muffins, thank you. Your hotcakes are up.(KEITH passes up a hotcakes in a flat container which JOE opens to examine.)
- This isn't a hotcakes and sausage. You forgot the sausage. Give me a piece of sausage with this.(JOE passes it back.)
- Forget it. I got to leave now or I'll be late for work.(CUSTOMER exits Left.)
(to the customer) Yes, may I help you?
- CUSTOMER (sarcastic)
- I'll have a greasy hamburger, cold fries, and a flat soft drink.
- JOE (not amused)
- I'm sorry we're serving breakfast now. Lunch isn't until ten thirty and we only sell food hot and delicious.
- That's funny, you gave me exactly that yesterday. But for breakfast I'll have runny eggs, burnt bacon, and a greasy hashbrown.
- JOE (into speaker)
- Give me a big breakfast with a well done piece of bacon.
- A big breakfast thank you.
- I heard a teenager who worked here killed himself. Is that why the old man is working back there? Don't bother giving me an application.
- JOE (not responding)
- Your order will be up in a few minutes.(Dr. BRENNER enters Left and approaches the counter. He is a stout, middle-aged man dressed conservatively in a business suit, holding a briefcase.)
- DR. BRENNER
- Hello! I'm professor Gregory Brenner of the Pennsylvania State University, Social Studies department. I was wondering if I could speak with you for a few minutes. I heard about your union trouble. I'm researching a book on militant unionism for our university press and I'd like to do a chapter on the Quickie Burger struggle. Any assistance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
- JOE (uncertain)
- I'm sorry but I can't help you. We're not discussing the matter with the media right now.
- DR. BRENNER
- Oh I'm not with the media. I'm a scholar specializing in labor studies. You can talk to me. I'm an objective observer.
- You're not associated with the union, are you? I think you'd have to talk with the owner. He's in the kitchen right now.
- DR. BRENNER
- No, I'm not a union official. Is that the owner there? May I speak with him then, please?
- Keith! This man would like to talk with you.(KEITH comes up to the counter)
(DR. BRENNER hands KEITH a business card and exits Left.)
(The CUSTOMER walks out without placing an order.)
What the hell is that racket?(Chants of "Fair Pay" and "Quickie makes me sickie" are heard offstage Left.)
(JOE goes out into the dining room and looks offstage Left.)
(LeBOTZ enters from Left and approaches the counter.)
(LeBOTZ pulls a videotape out of his pocket.)
(DA KIRBY takes the videotape from LeBOTZ.)
There! Now get my crew in here and buzz off. We'll discuss our terms of employment at a later date.(LeBOTZ hands KEITH the form which he sullenly signs and returns to LeBOTZ in disgust.)
(LeBOTZ exits Left and the chanting stops followed by a loud cheer. STEVE, MIKE, DEBBIE, and SONYA, wearing street clothes and holding picket signs, enter Left.)
(END OF ACT)
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