To civil society,
The past few weeks have brought a flurry of pies-in-flight here on the home front. From California to New Hampshire, and amidst our nation-state's heartland prairies, freedom-loving peoples have reached the conclusion that pie is justice. . . no matter how you slice it. May their efforts encrust those who would shun the fruits of truthfulness.
The long-awaited Cherry Pie 3 solidarity call to action will go out this weekend.
TGIP (Thank God It's Pieday),
Gay Nuns "Cream" Homophobic Reverend;
Solidarity Action with the "Cherry Pie 3" and "Agent Creamy Genes"
For Immediate Release: March 26, 1999San Francisco - An offshoot of the controversial direct action organization ACT UP--San Francisco pied supporters of homophobic Reverend Fred Phelps this evening. Dessert was served to protest the recent violent murders of gay men across the nation by a duo known as the Pieing Nuns. Phelps and his clan held a rally tonight, complete with neon signs such as "AIDS Kills Fags," to protest Mayor Willie Brown's officiating of a mass domestic partners ceremony at City Hall.
In defiance of a recent six month jail sentence for the Biotic Baking Brigade (BBB) members who pied Mayor Brown, two activists dressed in nun's habits tossed four vegan and organic banana tofu pies into the hate-twisted faces of Phelps's entourage as part of "Operation: Second Phelping." Citing the heinous attacks on queers nationwide and the repression of political-pie-protest in San Francisco, Sister--Agents Thelma and Louise demanded that community members respond with anger and power to this very real and immediate threat.
No stranger to San Francisco, in 1994 Phelps attempted to picket the funeral of Randy Shilts, but was met by hundreds of angry and vocal demonstrators who, within seconds of his arrival, forced Phelps and his family to flee back to Topeka, Kansas. Recently Phelps, who travels to these "demonstrations" with his children and grandchildren, picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard. Shepard was tied to a fence post, beaten, and left to die in Wyoming last year. Last summer, having picketed Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in the Castro, Phelps was valiantly met with paint balls from a concerned citizen.
"Queers have been tossing pies since Anita Bryant's homophobic attacks on gays and lesbians in the late 1970's. The venom spewed forth by Phelps and his ilk is no different," stated pieing nun Sister Thelma. "From the vicious stabbing of Robert Hillsborough in the Mission district twenty years ago to last week's slaying of Henry Northington, whose decapitated head was found impaled on a Virginia bridge, the hatred remains. We must confront these religious hypocrites and let them know we will no longer be their victims. It is imperative that the gay community unite to protect our safety and well being."
The dynamic duo stated that they pied Phelps in solidarity with two groups: first, the "Cherry Pie 3" pie-litical prisoners. Among the three protesters attacking Willie Brown's continued scapegoating of San Francisco's homeless was ACT UP--San Francisco member Gerard Livernois. Rife with graft and greed, Willie Brown and his administration are determined to suppress criticism about their corruption and lack of accountability. In a vindictive and politically-motivated trial that garnered international headlines, both Mayor Brown and Judge Goldsmith denounced pie tossing as a form of protest, announcing their grim determination to crack down on direct action in San Francisco.
"Does Willie think by putting our comrades in jail that he will deter us from ACTing UP? Not while evil bigots like Fred Phelps are welcome in San Francisco," exclaimed Sister Louise. "I will not be some queer basher's next victim. A gay marriage will not halt the knives and fists of the Christian Right that threaten our very lives. It is up to queers to empower ourselves, fight oppression and take control of our destiny."
Secondly, this operation goes out to the BBB--Noreastah Irregulars, who gave University of Wisconsin geneticist Neil First a delicious gift of three pies in the kisser last week in New Hampshire. David Pike, AKA Agent Creamy Genes, has since been arrested and charged with simple assault and felony conspiracy to commit criminal mischief. On the charge of simple assault, Dave faces up to one year, and on the charge of conspiracy, a maximum of 3 to 7 years in jail. What has become of the State that proudly carries the motto and old Revolutionary War slogan of "live free or pie"!?!
The Pieing Nuns are critical of the gay mainstream's fight for gays in the military and domestic partners legislation which refuses to aggressively challenge the climate of gay violence heating up around the country. Further more, these smoke screen solutions do nothing to address critical issues for rural gay communities such as legislation that ensures fair housing, equal employment and adequate health care. Denouncing "gay Marriage" as a sell-out agenda by straight society to conform queers to a heterosexual norm, Sisters Thelma and Louise called such platitudes ineffectual, creating the illusion of progression while the validation of hate motivated attacks against gays and lesbians increases.
Gov. Jesse Gets Coconut Cream Upside the Head
March 25, 1999[Editor's note: we received the following via encrypted email. No more details at this time]
Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura received a coconut cream pie reception prior to delivering a speech tonight at a Wittier Neighborhood meeting in Minneapolis. The pie hit Ventura's body guard in the back of the head and splattered the Governor as he was about to take to the podium. The pie thrower, agent coconut cream, reportedly threw the pie to protest budget cuts to the arts. No one knows for sure but pie is a perfect adornment for his perfectly shaved head.
Minnesota in Solidarity with the San Francisco Three
BBB - Northeast Cell Pies Cloning Researcher
Communiqué of the Biotic Baking Brigade-Nor'eastah Irregulars (BBB-NI)
For Release March 5, 1999Dr. Neal First, geneticist and animal cloner from the University of Wisconsin, was given his just desserts last night after a lecture at the University of New Hampshire. First had just finished presenting the latest on his "science" and was receiving applause when Agent "Rusty" of the EBB-NI flung a red-tinged cream pie straight from the lecture hall doorway into Dr. First's placid face. Agent "Rusty" warned all present, "Don't Fuck with Mother Nature!"
Just moments later, the "good" doctor was served a second helping of humble pie by EBB-NI Agents Creamy Genes and Lemon soufflé who reminded the audience of 100+ that "Cloning is no clowning matter" and to "Respect all life - Stop torturing animals!"
According to Dr. First, he and his cohorts have been attempting to follow up the successful cloning of a sheep in Scotland with cows, pigs, monkeys, etc. and have even tried combinations of animals. Alas, no new creatures have been created as of yet, according to First. He did, however, proclaim the success of genetically engineered trees for replanting the chainsaw-ravaged forests of the Pacific Northwest. Lastly, when asked about the further future possibilities, First admitted that "clones would probably not take over the planet."
PIE SLINGER CAPTURED!
Communiqué of the Biotic Baking Brigade-Nor'eastah Irregulars (BBB-NI).
March 16,1999BBB-NI Agent Creamy Genes was taken into custody today by North Hampton, NH police for suspected crimes against science. "This is all half-baked," declared the pie man. "Pies are no crime. The crime is cloning!"
Police are charging Agent Creamy Genes with assault with a cream pie, conspiracy to create creative mischief, and for damaging the ego of an important person, namely geneticist and animal cloner Neil First. The charges stem from a messy incident last Thursday at the University of New Hampshire, when First was served his just desserts in the form of two cream pies to the face. The good doctor had just presented his efforts to clone cows pigs, monkeys, etc. Following the discussion regarding the cloning of a sheep in Scotland, three agents of the delicious Biotic Baking Brigade presented their pies and dissenting opinions.
Police are continuing to search for BBB-NI Agents Rusty and Lemon Soufflé who are rumored to be among New England's pie-baking underground. Speaking from an unknown kitchen, Agent Lemon Soufflé warned, "We are very concerned for the baking world now that they have isolated the Creamy Gene. What will happen to whipped cream? What of sauces and bread spreads and dessert toppings? We must free Creamy Genes and all genetic material from the jail cells and test tubes of sourpuss scientists and their donut-eating henchmen!"
Statement on the Pieing of Dr. Neil First. Geneticist and Animal Cloner
by David Pike, AKA Agent Creamy Genes, Biotic Baking BrigadeI smooshed a whipped cream pie into the face of geneticist Neil First in order to humble a man arrogant enough to create living creatures from cold science. Dr. First is the top-level scientist involved in animal cloning and the general field of genetic engineering.
At the present time this field included such "wonders" as potatoes and corn which internally produce pesticides, thereby forcing us to consume the pesticide with the vegetable. Genetically-engineered soybeans are resistant to herbicides, thereby increasing the use of poisonous chemicals on this food. An amazing breakthrough dubbed "terminator technology" creates plants of any type whose seeds all turn out sterile, thereby stopping any future generations and insuring profits for the seed companies. Many genetically altered plants are already in production in this country and one estimate puts the chance of processed food products to contain genetically altered ingredients at 30%.
In the area of animal research, attempts are being made to engineer pigs with human genes to make their meat more tender, mice are being created with all sorts of variations for laboratory testing, and some scientists want to grow human organs for transplanting.
I believe these efforts violate the basis of life on this planet: the DNA of organisms. Slicing and splicing the genetic code of life is inexcusable and to then patent and profit from this is criminal.
I see the geneticists of today as parallel with the Nazi doctors of the Third Reich. To them, the human race is the master race and the rest of life is disposable. Plants may be mutated and animals mutilated for any whim of human "need" or greed. Unwanted species may even be genetically eradicated or replaced with an "improved" version in the newest eugenics.
Faced with these nightmares, I used humorous mischief to bring people's attention to the subject. Genetic engineering is spreading rapidly with barely any public education or consideration of it. Because I "assaulted" this madness and the ego of one of its perpetrators, I am identified as a resistant strain with several police departments dispatched to isolate me from society. The cream -pie-in-the-face slapstick routine has been used many times in the past by politically motivated clowns on arrogant authority figures. The Yippies did it during the Vietnam War. And who doesn't remember the great pie fights in the old black and white movies. The cream pie must be de-criminalized. Humor must replace fear. Genetic engineering and cloning must stop.
BIOTIC BAKING BRIGADE NOR'EASTAH IRREGULARS AGENT CREAMY GENES NEEDS YOUR HELP!!!As you may already know, Dave Pike, aka Agent Creamy Genes, of the Biotic Baking Brigade Nor'eastah Irregulars (BBB-NI) has been arrested and charged with simple assault and felony conspiracy to commit criminal mischief for the pieing of geneticist Neil First. On the charge of simple assault, Dave faces up to one year, and on the charge of conspiracy, a maximum of 3 to 7 years in jail. He is in need of funds to mount a defense against these charges. Dave has consistently been there for many of us, and the Earth, now we need to be there for him. Checks can be made out to David Pike. Please send letters of support and money to:
New Hampshire Earth First!
From the Les Entartistes of Montreal
sent to the BBB on March 24Just wanted you to know that we pied Roger D. Landry on Sunday night, which is the president of La Presse, one of the big corporate newspaper here (owned by Power Corporation), a paper that (amongst things) talked about the Cherry Pie 3 imprisonment because they try to put us in jail here too, and make us look like criminals, but, we've been lucky so far, so, it's one more down! The man in question even said afterwards in all the news that we gave him a humility lesson and that he took it that way and not as a criminal offense.
"The Pie-ing of Charlie Raines"At the LAW conference in Eugene, Oregon, on March 5, another pie-throwing incident occurred. Charlie Raines, staff member of the Sierra Club Cascade Chapter's "Checkerboard Project," received a banana cream pie facial delivery while he participated in a panel on land exchanges.
Charlie is known to many as the facilitator of some awful land exchanges that gave federally-owned old-growth forest to the timber industry. Some of his misdeeds were chronicled last September by the Seattle Times in an investigative journalism series titled "Trading Away the West." Since then, he helped position the Sierra Club in support of a bad rider on the Omnibus Appropriations Bill that traded thousands of acres between Plum Creek Timber Company and the Forest Service, despite the fact that proper NEPA compliance was not done and the public had no way of knowing to what extent this was a sweetheart deal for the industry, or how badly the public got screwed.
You can look up the Seattle Times series on their website
Check out Charlie's website at: www.sierraclub.org/chapters/wa/checkerboard/ck_home.html
Here's a copy of the text of the flier that was posted around the Law School following the pie incident:
Stumps for mature old growth? huh?
While we know that Mr. Raines has done good work in the past, these actions have undermined everybody's work in the movement. "Any random act of silliness is much less harmful than any act of compromise."
[Editor's note: a different group sharing the same name can be visited at: http://188.8.131.52/cgi-bin/linkrd?hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2egeocities%2e> com%2fCapitolHill%2fSenate%2f4635%2f ]
Leah Garchik's Personals Column
San Francisco Chronicle, March 16, 1999http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1999/03/16/DD80103.DTL
"CAVEAT PIE"Sunday was the Exploratorium's annual Pi Day*, in keeping with which someone left a message on a friend's answering machine that said something like, ``Pi Day's today. Meet you at the Exploratorium.'' The message, however, was left on a wrong number; its recipient, thinking the caller was a member of the Biotic Baking Brigade, called the police.
Officers rushed to the scene of a Buddhist event at the Palace of Fine Arts, which shares the site with the Exploratorium, looking for a VIP who might be a likely target. When one cop stopped next door, saw the Pi Day signs and 1,600 slices ready to be served, the mystery was solved and the case closed.
(* the Exploratorium is a children's science museum)
Pepper Pelted with Pies--Feb. 18, 1999Chicago, Ill. -- Procter & Gamble bigwig John Pepper - in town this evening to give the keynote address at the Kellogg Marketing Conference at Northwestern University - got two tofu cream pies in the face in protest of P&G's use of animals in cruel product testing.
Despite a decade of promises, each year P&G still kills thousands of monkeys and other animals in laboratories, where workers drip chemicals into the animals' eyes, force them to inhale and swallow massive doses of compounds, and rub irritating substances onto their shaved and abraded skin. Animals are often clamped into restraining devices so that they can't escape, and some animals break their necks trying to get away.
According to industry toxicologists, animal tests that were done in the 1920s and 30s cannot be accurately applied to human experience because of the enormous physiological differences. More than 550 companies, including large corporations like Gillette and Avon, ensure their customers' safety by using modern, accurate, non-animal tests, but Procter & Gamble refuses to switch - even for cosmetics and household products, which make up the majority of Procter & Gamble's products and are not required by law to be tested on animals.
This is not the first time John Pepper has been pied by PETA. Animal rights activists first creamed him last year in Columbus, Ohio. Others who have been pied for animal exploitation include Kenny Rogers (3 times), Ronald McDonald (5 times), and the Tyson chicken mogul. PETA then expanded into fur, and hit Karl Lagerfeld (twice) and Oscar de la Renta.
Website under construction, coming soon to service provider near you
--Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos
"When they broke my legs, they gave me a crutch to walk on