- Creative Writing -

Pester Power

Attorney: Mr. Emig, when did you first see a commercial for "Zappo".
Emig: I guess it was watching TV with my son Tommy. I watch some of his cartoons with him. That commercial came on--you know, the one with the clown "Wacko Zappo"--and Tommy's eyes just lit up.
Attorney: So he liked the commercial?
Emig: Oh yeah! That clown just pulled him right in, four year old brain and all.
Attorney: Did he ask for a "Zappo" after that?
Emig: Damn straight! He wouldn't let up on that thing! Morning, noon, and night, all I heard was "Zappo", "Zappo", "Zappo".
Attorney: SO YOU WENT AND BOUGHT HIM A ZAPPO, didn't you Mr. Emig!
Emig: Yeah, after three straight days of that sh...annoyance, I gave in and got him one.
Attorney: And please, Mr. Emig, tell the court what happened just a few hours after he got his Zappo.
Emig: Well...
Attorney: Mr. Emig?
Judge: Answer the question, Mr. Emig.
Emig: Well...accidentally he shot his sister and mother with it...
Attorney: Killing them both!
Emig: ...and then shot himself.
Attorney: Mr. Emig, did you not ever consider that buying a child a firearm, especially one as deadly as the Zappo, was dreadfully irresponsible of you as a parent?!?
Emig: Well, of course, everyone knows Zappos are bad for you, but...
Attorney: But?
Emig: He was pestering me so much, I had to buy him one.
Attorney: HAD TO?!?
Emig: What else could I do?
Attorney: YOU COULD HAVE SAID NO! YOU COULD HAVE SHOWN, what the rest of us call, PARENTAL JUDGEMENT!
Emig: Yeah, well, yeah...maybe...but you've never heard him pester...
Attorney: And now you never will again. Now, pray tell, Mr. Emig, why you have brought this suit against my client?
Emig: If it hadn't been for that damn clown, my family would still be alive!
Attorney: So you blame the clown in the advert for the death of your family WHICH was caused after you purchased a deadly firearm for your four your old son.
Emig: Uh, yeah, that's right.
Attorney: You played no role in this tragedy? Bare no responsibility?
Emig: Uh...it was the clown.
Attorney: Your honor, I rest my case.

Follow Ups:

• great story Lou Fontaine United States August 19 1997 (0)