"Signs McDonald's Is in Financial Trouble"

As presented on the 02/28/97 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

  1. After asking if you want fries with that, they ask if they can sleep on your couch
  2. Instead of name tags, employees write their own names on their shirts in ketchup
  3. Mayor McCheese now moonlighting as exotic dancer
  4. Special promotion: for a pledge of $100, the manager will deep-fry his own hand
  5. Old sign: "Over 35 billion served;" New sign: "Please buy something or we're, like, totally screwed"
  6. Oil in deep-fryer now changed every six months instead of every two months
  7. As last-ditch effort to attract customers, they're putting meat in the burgers
  8. The only thing secret about the sauce is that it expired in March
  9. Haggard Ronald McDonald wanders through restaurant, asking customers, "Are you going to finish that?"
  10. Happy Meals now 25% less happy