- McSpotlight -


Posted by: holier than thou on August 25, 1997 at 19:15:38:

Someone posted that bean sprouts have been found to be contaminated with E-coli. I have a plan.

Let's form a group to help protect people from these sprouts.
We'll need to write a pamphlet called "What's wrong with bean sprouts" or "The Truth About Bean Sprouts". Then we'll picket all the health food stores that sell these. And to get worldwide attention we'll even picket major supermarkets. We'll hang banners that say "sprout murderers" and block the express lines . Then we'll trump up our complaints with all sorts of evil accusations about sprout growers.

We'll say they lie when they tell the public that sprouts are good for you. And anything that these growers or supermarkets or food -coops do that could be charitable--well we'll just say that was to make them look better in the public's eye. Then when we get our asses sued and lose, we'll cry foul and say there should have been a jury. But then to make ourselves feel better we'll act like we won anyway. We'll seize upon certain statements the judge made and promote them on our website. And we'll vow never to stop fighting until sprouts are wiped from the face of the earth.

And then we'll blame everything on the USA, and nobody will catch the irony that anyone in England would be complaining about American imperialism (England has never imposed her rule on anyone else has she , but just don't ask anyone from South Afica or India or especially the descendants of Irish immigrants to the US whose ancestors would or did die from starvation due to British policy.) But if one did point out this irony they would bring up Native Americans and slavery, forgetting that Great Britian had a big old nasty hand in these affairs to. They would neglect to mention that many people fled to America to find some freedom from that loony royal family, who taught these desperate immigrants just how to act when someone stands in your way.

But most important we'll know in our hearts that we are morally superior to sprout-eaters, and that it's our solemn duty to defend people in third world countries because we believe they aren't capable of taking care of themselves(although we would never admit this to anyone). And we would live with our hearts full of heaviness knowing that it's our burden to tell the rest of the world how to live.

Come to think of it , wasn't apple juice recalled not to long ago too.
Looks like we're going to be very, very busy.

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